Friday, February 12, 2010

Question to Christian parents about a child making a false admission of ';wrongdoing'; ?

How would you react if your child was so scared of being accused of and punished for ';lying'; that he would rather say ';Yes, I did it'; and get punished for a ';misdeed'; that he didn't do than to say ';No. I didn't'; and not be believed and get even worse punishment for ';lying'; even if it was the truth ?Question to Christian parents about a child making a false admission of ';wrongdoing'; ?
I saw your previous question about this, with the link, and have been mulling it over. The only thing I can come up with is that the child has been told he will get twice the punishment for lying as he would for doing something wrong ... and either it's been applied with a disporportionately heavy hand, or he knows from the past that if he admits a small transgression he gets off with a ';don't do that again, son';. If you had a choice between that and, say, getting grounded for a week or something even more unpleasant, wouldn't it be tempting to claim you did the deed? Adults can reason that doing so is also lying ... but to a kid, even if he stops and thinks about that aspect of it, it's still the lesser of two evils as far as he's concerned.





If it were my own child, I'd have to re-evaluate the ';lying gets punishment that's twice as bad'; approach; obviously it's not having the desired effect with that particular child.Question to Christian parents about a child making a false admission of ';wrongdoing'; ?
I would fee very disturbed about my parenting skills. I did teach my kids that it was better to tell the truth and take the consequences that lie to me because there WOULD be an additional consequence for lying, but I had to have proof that they lied before the additional consequence came into effect. I don't think they've ever felt pressured to make a false admission of guilt because they knew that I needed proof, not just my feeling. (In fact, I know my daughter lied to me a lot growing up. She finally stopped when she realized how much it hurt me that she didn't feel she could be truthful with me.)





edit - God - The First Atheist, You don't consider it delusional to make blanket statements like that? The Christians I know promote honesty, with themselves and with others.
It happens all the time. My brothers and sisters and I (5 total) did this all the time and when my parents ';found out'; they usually knew that it was a lie, that the one confessing was not the one who did it. We never did it out of fear, rather, who would get the ';least'; amount of punishment.


My 2 boys and my husbands 3 also did this with each other.


This has nothing to do with God's judgment, he is just and pure and knows the heart.
Well, it seems to me that the parent needs to make sure they only punish when they know the truth of a situation and then appropriate discipline AND closure to the ';crime.'; If a child says they did it and they did not you need to figure out why and approach the situation from a different angle. Also, you need to believe the child when they say they are innocent. Only when you can establish this relationship of trust will a child trust you. I always ere on the side of innocence, but if I know the answer I help my children accept their wrong doing and innocence. I still punish AND give closure to the misdeed. If my child took on punishment for a crime I might still punish them because they lied and I punish the real culprit too. My children are 4 and 6 so I admit my limited experience. All I can say is I have great kids and discipline is not really an issue and we have great love and respect for each other. I will continue this and trust God to guide us in our journy.
What child have you ever met that would admit to doing something he didnt do because he was afraid of punishment?





Besides...that child just lied by admitting he did something that he didnt do, so in essense he deserves the punishment he didnt originally deserve. Justice served.





How come you directed this at just Christian parents? Dont atheist parents punish their kids for doing wrong? Dont buddist parents punish their kids too? Jews? hindus? agnostics?
ummm.....wow no affence but ur son needs to cowboy up and learn that some times lieing is good and if he tells the truth all of the time he wont get very far in life. if you look the big componys in the world do you think that they tell everyone the truth. but tell him that their is a sertain point to lieing. but if hes scared of being punished for lieing i think hes a little to much like a babby.





well i dont think this helped much but u need to toughen up your son.
communication is key. The other important understanding is how 'hard' your child is. Some kids you just need to glare at, and they will fall over, others you can hardly dent with a big stick. You need to spend more time with the kid. (I wouldn't punish him for that 'lie', for that would be counterproductive,--- but maybe you could make a joke about punishing him even more for that lie)
I don't know but I think if you badger someone long enough you will get them to say what ever you want them to say. Just how police get people to confess to something they didn't do. Everyone always wonders how that happens. Well, here is a good example. Do we really want our children to be that afraid of us?
Commitment, discipline and communication all bounded and rooted together in love is the key. You make mistakes but the child knows that you love them and that you are accountable before God for them.. again, a christian child should know this.
I think there is a time to let it go temporarily and later confront him. Then there is a time to deal with it on the spot.
Reevaluate your punishment system seriously.
You'd tell him to just tell the truth, you know deep down nothing is really going to happen to him haha
I would rather my child tell the truth. My punishments are never harsh enough to put the kind of fear in him that you are talking about.
Christians promote delusional thinking
Teach him to be truthful.





This sounds like its more about self esteem than religion.
You give a scenario of a lose-lose situation. My reaction would be that I would be proud of my child in that they had a grasp of the gravity of lying and it's punishment.


There is a price to be paid sometimes for seeking the truth. A price that the world isnt willing to pay because they hate the truth anyway.
This is the essence of christianity really though.
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